i think i have two assholes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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