dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
