since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
