I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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