so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
