the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
