clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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