why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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