We're like a lot better than the average bears
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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