He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
