She's JV to your varsity
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
