I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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