How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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