Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories

(239): View more from Florida

He could rock you to sleep

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(207): View more from Maine

I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.

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(208): View more from Idaho

My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.

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(315): View more from New York

Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(225): View more from Louisiana

I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...

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(607): View more from New York

I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.

(1-607): View more from New York

Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.

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(516): View more from New York

If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.

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(440): View more from Ohio

My ass is in a myriad of pain right now

(440): View more from Ohio

Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea

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