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• (905): View more from Toronto

  Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

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• (718): View more from New York

  at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

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  21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time

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• (850): View more from Florida

  You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.

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• (607): View more from New York

  I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.

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  23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (520): View more from Arizona

  This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  In some strange universe, yes

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• (831): View more from California

  Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?

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• (850): View more from Florida

  His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises

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