I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!