You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there