Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.