can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I won't apologize to a one balled man
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.