Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises