Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.