Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
