My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
