i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
