I heard we made out
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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