i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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