Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
