I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
