I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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