I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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