so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
