She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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