I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The struggles of a small town man whore
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
