I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
