Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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