You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
