I just cut my nipple shaving
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
