Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
