So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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