Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
