The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize