i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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