2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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