i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Pooping to opera.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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