Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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