I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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