My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
40s are totally the cure
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
