I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
