and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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