I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
