just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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