the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
