the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
