it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
