Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
