why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
