Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
