ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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