Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
