I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
