I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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