Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
