I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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