I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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