I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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