Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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