i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize