my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
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threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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