My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
