she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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