Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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