he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
