I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my sisters under your porch take her home
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
