bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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