if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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