On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize