tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
