I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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