she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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