Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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