Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I enjoy the company of your penis
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
