If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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