there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
