My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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