Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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