I'm jealous of your bromance
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.