Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.