My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night