i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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