woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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