I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type