I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
