I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
